Dating Violence

What is Dating Violence?

Facts and Figues

• Many times we only hear about abusive relationships existing in marriage. This is not true; many violent relationships begin when two people are dating. An abusive relationship consists of two people dealing with the issue of power and control in their relationship. One partner feels the need to be in constant control and will use physical and mental abuse to obtain this control. Many college women experience these types of abuse in their relationships. The Violence Against Women Prevention Program (VAWPP) educates people on this issue and others of violence against women.

Facts about Abuse

• Every 15 seconds a woman is beaten in our country. (FBI statistics)
• One out of five college students have reported at least one incidence of premarital abuse in their relationship varying from slapping and hitting to more life threatening violence. (Domestic Violence Prevention and Services)
• Typically, in 72-77% of the cases, violence occurs only after a couple has become seriously involved, rather than in the early, more casual, stages of dating. (Angela Browne, When Battered Women Kill)
• 51% of battered women in a shelter had been physically abused in a dating relationship. (Claire Pedrick Cornell, Intimate Violence in Families)
• Violence can occur in all kinds of relationships (heterosexual, gay, lesbian) and although women are more often abused, men are victims, too.

What To Do

• Ask questions, which will help her/him, recognize what has happened to her/him and to identify it as abuse.
• Support her/his courage in asking for help, while respecting her/his limits.
• Help her/him to recognize her/his partner's excuses for abuse. The abuser may blame alcohol. Tell her/him even though he/she may have a drinking problem, alcohol doesn't cause the violence. Violence is always a choice made by the abuser.
• Relay the message that you are available for nonjudgmental support.
• Provide information on dynamics of abuse, typical patterns, and available resources.

What Not To Do

• Assume she/he wants to end the relationship or that you know what is best for her/him. This will make her/him afraid of disappointing you. This kind of intimidation will only reinforce her/his role as a victim.
• Ask her/him what she/he did to provoke him/her. This will only reinforce feelings of self-blame and prevent her/him from expecting her/his partner to take responsibility.
• Talk to her/him and the abuser together. This will make her/him more fearful of opening up. Don't talk to the abuser at all without her/his permission.

Warning Signs

• Physical Controls:
  1. Hitting, Grabbing, Kicking, Choking, Pushing
  2. Breaking furniture or Punching walls
  3. Physical intimidation
• Emotional/Verbal Controls:
  1. Criticism, Name calling, Swearing, Mocking, Put downs, Ridiculing
  2. Interrupting, Changing topics, Outshouting, Not listening
  3. Excessive jealousy and Possessiveness
  4. Threatening suicide
• Sexual Controls:
  1. Sexual coercion
  2. Accusations of "sleeping around"
  3. Threats of violence towards her or her friends if she refuses to interact sexually with her partner.
  4. Coerced sexual contact. Prior sexual contact does not mean you do not have the right to refuse future sexual activity.
• Other Warning Signs
  1. Is there a scene if you express an opposite opinion?

Rescources

Any individual who is involved in an abusive relationship can use any of the following confidential services at anytime.

• Women's Center and VAWPP
  (860) 486-4738
• Student Health Services
  (860) 486-4700
• Counseling and Mental Health Services
  (860) 486-4705
  (860) 486-3427 (after hours emergencies during academic year)
• University Police
  (860) 486-4800 (routine calls) or 911 (emergency calls)
• Dean of Students Office
  (860) 486-3426
• Department of Residential Life
  (860) 486-3430
• Domestic Violence Program of United Services
  (860) 456-9476 (hotline)
  (860) 456-2261 (office)
  (860) 774-9690 (Danielson office)
• Community Response Team